sometimes my horoscope is so spot on its scary..
like how do they know?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
one step forward, two steps back
So 2011 is upon us, and has taken my life shook it up like a snow globe, and put it back down on the table.
I am going to be 25 in about two months and am by all means leaving the life I have always dreamed for myself. Unfortunately every road comes with hurdles and landmines and sometimes it’s hard to pick back up after one strikes. It’s hard to pick up after your trust in people as a whole wavers, and it’s even harder when I find myself second guessing the decisions I have made up until this point.
I have been a big believer to never have regrets, to push everything to the edge and to never hold back. I get this one life and I will make the decisions on how it goes, or if I go down in flames. I’ve never really been the one to care about what other people think (to an extent because I don’t think anyone can live this life without worrying about other people) or one to do things because it what seems right (i.e my dating history) But lately everything seems so jumbled. Like all the pieces of my life have become a pile of tangled necklaces and as hard as I try I can’t untangle them. I can’t untangle my head and my heart, I can’t untangle my job and my personal life, I can’t untangle my friends from enemies.
I have always been a trusting person, always believing the best in other people, and always ALWAYS giving people more than just a first impression. But sometimes, is it really, what you see is what you get? Can people really ever change?
I want to say yes, because I know 100% that I am not the same person now as I was when I moved to CA. But is the foundation the same? I see so much of myself differently as I did 2 years ago, but am I still the same?
I have always been hardworking, outspoken and strong, but the move to California on whim hardened and softened me at the same time. I have always been a hopeless romantic, but after getting let down so many times I feel a wall building. After having such a solid group of friends in Boston and coming out here and getting sucked into the fakeness was eye opening. I have never in my life had a friend back stab me, or say mean things about me. I have actually always thought that I was one of the luckiest people to have such a solid foundation of friends. To take my girlfriends at home and compare them to the people I met out here is outstanding. But I never EVER thought I would let in a bad egg who would be able to destroy everything I have been working two years for.
Although it’s not all bad, every bad situation has to have a positive lining. I am stronger than I thought I could be. I am healthy and happy and have a good head on my shoulders (thanks to all the people who really know me). All I am looking for is some validation that all the struggles for the past two years have been worth it. That I invested my time in the right things, the right people, the right job. That I am actually the person that I perceive myself to be, but as everyone knows, having that tested can be terrifying.
As I sit at my desk and smell my beautiful Valentines flowers, I somehow feel that everything will work out, that everything will be okay. But how can I be so sure that another landmine wont erupt with the next step forward I take?
I guess this is what having a quarter life crisis feels like.
xox
-W
I am going to be 25 in about two months and am by all means leaving the life I have always dreamed for myself. Unfortunately every road comes with hurdles and landmines and sometimes it’s hard to pick back up after one strikes. It’s hard to pick up after your trust in people as a whole wavers, and it’s even harder when I find myself second guessing the decisions I have made up until this point.
I have been a big believer to never have regrets, to push everything to the edge and to never hold back. I get this one life and I will make the decisions on how it goes, or if I go down in flames. I’ve never really been the one to care about what other people think (to an extent because I don’t think anyone can live this life without worrying about other people) or one to do things because it what seems right (i.e my dating history) But lately everything seems so jumbled. Like all the pieces of my life have become a pile of tangled necklaces and as hard as I try I can’t untangle them. I can’t untangle my head and my heart, I can’t untangle my job and my personal life, I can’t untangle my friends from enemies.
I have always been a trusting person, always believing the best in other people, and always ALWAYS giving people more than just a first impression. But sometimes, is it really, what you see is what you get? Can people really ever change?
I want to say yes, because I know 100% that I am not the same person now as I was when I moved to CA. But is the foundation the same? I see so much of myself differently as I did 2 years ago, but am I still the same?
I have always been hardworking, outspoken and strong, but the move to California on whim hardened and softened me at the same time. I have always been a hopeless romantic, but after getting let down so many times I feel a wall building. After having such a solid group of friends in Boston and coming out here and getting sucked into the fakeness was eye opening. I have never in my life had a friend back stab me, or say mean things about me. I have actually always thought that I was one of the luckiest people to have such a solid foundation of friends. To take my girlfriends at home and compare them to the people I met out here is outstanding. But I never EVER thought I would let in a bad egg who would be able to destroy everything I have been working two years for.
Although it’s not all bad, every bad situation has to have a positive lining. I am stronger than I thought I could be. I am healthy and happy and have a good head on my shoulders (thanks to all the people who really know me). All I am looking for is some validation that all the struggles for the past two years have been worth it. That I invested my time in the right things, the right people, the right job. That I am actually the person that I perceive myself to be, but as everyone knows, having that tested can be terrifying.
As I sit at my desk and smell my beautiful Valentines flowers, I somehow feel that everything will work out, that everything will be okay. But how can I be so sure that another landmine wont erupt with the next step forward I take?
I guess this is what having a quarter life crisis feels like.
xox
-W
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